Happy Unbirthday

Not our picnic, but one nearby.

Last  Saturday, we had a picnic for Greg’s Should Have Been 50th birthday.

In a miracle of the Climate Gods, the weather was perfect even though it had rained solidly for the weeks beforehand and every day since (and up to 150mm / 6 inches last night alone).

I am glad we did it.
I’d forgotten who I’d invited, so as more and more people turned up, I was genuinely surprised and glad to see them.  Old friends and workmates gathered and remembered in just the sort of relaxed chat-fest that was Greg’s style.

I saw some people who came to the funeral and then disappeared so I’m hoping that this has reset their minds so they know they can talk to me.

The kids had a great time and I enjoyed seeing everyone.
But by the next day I was a wreck….
…and then today I walked downstairs to find my garage and store room sitting in 2 inches of (thankfully clean) water.
and I broke.
I feel like I’m 100 years old, everything is heavy, I am so tired, the kids are moody and I don’t feel like doing anything.
…except I have had to throw away waterlogged things and try to move things out of the water.
I want to sleep for a week.
Yep – death week is here 😦
… but I know it will pass and while I don’t expect things to be “good”, I know they will be OK again.

2 thoughts on “Happy Unbirthday

  1. Tracy says:

    I know you sent me your link ages ago but I wasn’t in the right head space at the time and struggled to look. I don’t know if my head space is any better at the moment but I can look.
    It has just gone 11 months since my boy was taken from us… I am taking each day as it comes and some days are easier than others, I will never tell someone that it will hurt less with time because it doesn’t, maybe I cope a little better each day but the pain is still so strong.
    One of the things that I am struggling with is what to do on “that” day… I don’t know if want to see people or lock myself in a room all alone…
    Thank you for your words… people are there for me, people want to help and support but they don’t really understand because they have not loss that someone special and don’t really know grief and the thing is I don’t want to know how I feel… so reading your words help because I can relate so much.

  2. Elizabeth says:

    Hi Amanda, I still check your site for any updates as your writing really spoke to me. I really hope you and the kids are ok.

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