Why I don’t want Mothers’ Day

I have been accused of wallowing in my grief.

Of choosing not to see light, but only dark.

Tough Luck.

I tell my story just how it is.

…and I already DO lighten it up because I’m not yet crazy enough to write down the real darkness that I don’t let you see.

There is only so much I can suck up for the sake of my kids.

…and believe me when I say I shield them from So Much.

But they live in my house, so they are exposed to some of it.

It’s unavoidable.

One of the things I just can’t suck up and smile through is Mothers Day.

and my birthday

and Christmas.

These are days when I used to love feeling part of a family.  Not this damaged family that we’ve become (and if you tell me we still are a family I will bite your head off – fair warning).

This is not the family life I wanted for my children nor myself.  It is wrong.  I hate it.  Some days, I can barely conceal my hatred of it. (…and if one single person mentions mindfulness and ‘finding peace’ where I am, I will eat them alive and spit out their bones).

and Mothers Day is one of those days.

All mothers day means to me now is more work.  Another crappy Chinese import the kids have bought from the local cost-cutters.  A card.  and then I have to make my own damn breakfast or face the consequence of a kitchen floor covered in weetbix and milk.

A day when I used to look forward to pancakes and coffee waiting for me.  A day when another adult reminded me that I am the light of their lives and someone they truly want to be with.  That he and I together have made this wonderful family full of love.  This family who are everything to each other.

Not other adults who feel sorry for me, or my kids when I tell them we are not doing mothers day.

“Oh, but you should do it for your kids” they say.

Why?

I do everything for my kids every other day.

Its my freaking job.

But I cannot face another celebration day where someone is missing.

It just makes it worse.

So that’s why my kids are going to have to suck it up tomorrow.  I Do Not Want mothers day.  I can not bear it.

So we will just have a normal Sunday of cleaning the house and gardening and ignore the fuck out of the families celebrating all around us.

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6 thoughts on “Why I don’t want Mothers’ Day

  1. beetgoes says:

    fair enough. xxx

  2. […] I felt much the same way again tonight after reading Tiff’s Hape Mumvis Ba, and Corymbia’s Why I don’t want Mother’s Day. […]

  3. Lynda M O says:

    Holidays are bullshit anyway; I have felt this way for a very long time. Not celebrating has been my method for dealing with these events that the media uses to stir us up and force us to buy their ideas of what is appropriate: hearts, flowers, candy, cards, jewelry, etc.

    Know you are thought of and sent a hug from here, A, and your little ones too. This life you are left with is a pale imitation of the one you and G had, I am sorry for your huge loss that goes way beyond his death.

  4. chookie1969 says:

    Thought you had been quiet today. I can see why, now.

  5. I totally understand my love… that was me last year. Love you. x

  6. wjcsydney says:

    Mother’s Day has less and less appeal for me. This year was particularly shitty but nowhere near like your raw grief. It’s such a difficult day…pecially to those whose mothers have passed on, those who don’t have good relationships with their mothers, those who are adopted, those ladies who have struggled with or are struggling with infertility, those who have lost children, and those whose relationships with their children aren’t as close as they could be or are estranged from their children. It’s such a difficult day for so many people.

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