Today would have been our 14th wedding anniversary.

Fourteen years ago, I awoke in my childhood bedroom … well got up anyway … I was too excited to sleep much.

My bestie and my Mum and I quickly ate breakfast and took ourselves down to the salon for hair and makeup.

We emerged hours later, coiffed and painted, but still recognisable.

Everyone ate lunch … not me … I couldn’t eat for the excitement.

Then I put on my beautiful dress, remade from the Guipure lace from my mother’s gown.

I looked beautiful.

More than that.

I glowed.

Lit from the inside.

The flowers arrived.

The photographer arrived. Then we left for the church in a pair of 1970s vintage Holdens.

Dad walked me up the aisle.

Greg was crying: I avoided looking at him so I wouldn’t cry too.

We promised to love each other until  death parted us, (never thinking that death would part us after only 12 and a half years).

I felt so loved and lucky that my face ached from the smiling.

and the kissing.

and the loving gazes into his beautiful blue eyes.

I glided through the reception – everything was perfect.

and we left our friends and family at the party to have our own celebration of our first night as man and wife.


Today would have been our 14th anniversary.

and it’s been just over 18 months since by better half died.

I awoke to the screeching of the car alarm of the white trash across the street.

Well, I got up anyway.  Sleep isn’t so easy for me these days…

I couldn’t open my eyes.


It seems I have conjunctivitis to add to my already long list of symptoms typical of my “holiday illness” (I never get sick during work time, just holiday time).

It seems appropriate that my eyes are already red and puffy.

I had a shower and prised open  my red, oogy eyes.

I put on track pants and one of Greg’s old shirts: nobody was going to see me today.

I didn’t bother to do my hair.

but I did brush my teeth.

I look like shit.

I ate breakfast so I could swallow some cold and flu tablets.

…and I sent my mother out to buy my eye drops.

Somehow, this seems an appropriate way to mark this day.

….the second of many lonely wedding anniversaries….


12 thoughts on “Today would have been our 14th wedding anniversary.

  1. Lynda M O says:

    My heart reaches for yours and holds you close as you remember and mourn—two very strong emotions. Amanda, would that I could help in some way. Know you are thought of today and every day as you walk this lonely path with H and K.

  2. Jayne says:

    Thinking of you and your wonderful kids on this day, Amanda, sending you many hugs, kisses and back rubs xxx

  3. The Sheila says:

    I’m so sorry that you’re having to go through this. Thinking of you today.

  4. I am here. Not much I can say. Chamomile tea is good for oogy eyes ( from your friend the zombie whisperer)

  5. Trish says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what you have to wake up to everyday, not just on a wedding anniversary .
    It’s not fair.

  6. I’m so very, very sorry.

  7. Mixed with my love and my tears are my best wishes that you and your sticky eyes get better. At least your body will heal, until the next school hols anyway. Thankyou for sharing, I hope you get some sleep tonight dear Amanda.

  8. foreversun says:

    These are the memory days where I seem to remember the good but add a little rain to it. Tuesday October 4th would be our 15th anniversary and it is also the 2nd without him being here.

  9. ❤ for ever my gorgeous.


  10. iaim2pleez says:

    Tomorrow ( Dec. 14) is my second anniversary since I lost my wife. It would have been our 15th. I know the feeling and feel sad for you…and for me. It is lonely and I hope this gets better at some point…right now it is another anniversary and Christmas without her. I will go see her at the cemetery tomorrow but I know she is not really there…I don’t know where she is…I just know she is not with me. Thanks for letting me know I am not alone in this battle…I hope for you to recover as I hope it for myself. I doubt we ever will but it might get better at some point…God Bless…

  11. corymbia says:

    Hugs. The tough days are tough.

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