My Dragonfly

my dragonfly on 365 Project
Yesterday should have been our 14th wedding anniversary. …. but late yesterday afternoon, this dragonfly brushed against my arm and settled on the garden wall next to me.
…and instantly, I was reminded of the story of the dragonfly and felt like Greg was there with me.

The dragonfly story (from here):

Once, in a little pond, in the muddy water under the lily pads, there lived a little water beetle in a community of water beetles. They lived a simple and comfortable life in the pond with few disturbances and interruptions. Once in a while, sadness would come to the community when one of their fellow beetles would climb the stem of a lily pad and would never be seen again. They knew when this happened; their friend was dead, gone forever.

Then, one day, one little water beetle felt an irresistible urge to climb up that stem. However, he was determined that he would not leave forever. He would come back and tell his friends what he had found at the top. When he reached the top and climbed out of the water onto the surface of the lily pad, he was so tired, and the sun felt so warm, that he decided he must take a nap. As he slept, his body changed and when he woke up, he had turned into a beautiful blue-tailed dragonfly with broad wings and a slender body designed for flying.

So, fly he did! And, as he soared he saw the beauty of a whole new world and a far superior way of life to what he had never known existed. Then he remembered his beetle friends and how they were thinking by now he was dead. He wanted to go back to tell them, and explain to them that he was now more alive than he had ever been before. His life had been fulfilled rather than ended. But, his new body would not go down into the water. He could not get back to tell his friends the good news. Then he understood that their time would come, when they, too, would know what he now knew. So, he raised his wings and flew off into his joyous new life!

Today would have been our 14th wedding anniversary.

Fourteen years ago, I awoke in my childhood bedroom … well got up anyway … I was too excited to sleep much.

My bestie and my Mum and I quickly ate breakfast and took ourselves down to the salon for hair and makeup.

We emerged hours later, coiffed and painted, but still recognisable.

Everyone ate lunch … not me … I couldn’t eat for the excitement.

Then I put on my beautiful dress, remade from the Guipure lace from my mother’s gown.

I looked beautiful.

More than that.

I glowed.

Lit from the inside.

The flowers arrived.

The photographer arrived. Then we left for the church in a pair of 1970s vintage Holdens.

Dad walked me up the aisle.

Greg was crying: I avoided looking at him so I wouldn’t cry too.

We promised to love each other until  death parted us, (never thinking that death would part us after only 12 and a half years).

I felt so loved and lucky that my face ached from the smiling.

and the kissing.

and the loving gazes into his beautiful blue eyes.

I glided through the reception – everything was perfect.

and we left our friends and family at the party to have our own celebration of our first night as man and wife.

~~~~~

Today would have been our 14th anniversary.

and it’s been just over 18 months since by better half died.

I awoke to the screeching of the car alarm of the white trash across the street.

Well, I got up anyway.  Sleep isn’t so easy for me these days…

I couldn’t open my eyes.

Literally.

It seems I have conjunctivitis to add to my already long list of symptoms typical of my “holiday illness” (I never get sick during work time, just holiday time).

It seems appropriate that my eyes are already red and puffy.

I had a shower and prised open  my red, oogy eyes.

I put on track pants and one of Greg’s old shirts: nobody was going to see me today.

I didn’t bother to do my hair.

but I did brush my teeth.

I look like shit.

I ate breakfast so I could swallow some cold and flu tablets.

…and I sent my mother out to buy my eye drops.

Somehow, this seems an appropriate way to mark this day.

….the second of many lonely wedding anniversaries….

RUOK?

RUOK is a great concept … for other people.

But if someone asks me today, I may slap them.

I. Am. Not. OK.

And asking me will not make me OK.

and if I am not OK

I will not tell you anyway …

Sometimes life really sucks and it means more to have someone who can listen to the shit-list without trying to make it all “OK”.

Which is why I blog …. bloggers listen to the shit-list and know better than to use some cutesy text-talk question.

I am not OK and asking me will not help.

Helping me will help.

But flippantly tossing me an acronym really really won’t.

(Sorry if this offends, but I am what I am and I feel what I feel and I share it here).

Sunday Selections #17 local landmarks

I’ve missed a couple of weeks again due to … well due to “stuff happening” …. but once again, I am joining in with Kim at Frog Ponds Rock in posting some pretty pics of my life…….

These are the ones I’m happy to share here, but regular readers can view other  photos on facebook or 365.
Firstly, some local architecture….

Shire Clerk's Cottage on 365 Project

Shire Clerk's Cottage on 365 Project

The jetty….

jetty on 365 Project

Quandamooka place on 365 Project

And greenness

green on 365 Project

Janice on 365 Project

enjoy!