So what would help you understand where I’m at if you didn’t read my blog?

Sad Santa Hat
Image by formatc1 via Flickr

The work Christmas party was on last night.

I decided to drive myself and not drink because a) it’s easier and b) drink doesn’t mix with sleeping tablets so it makes life easier to just not drink.

So I was not feeling particularly cheerful or merry but I chose to suck it up and go anyway.

I didn’t want to dance.  I dance when I’m happy.  I am not happy.

I repeat time and again “no – I won’t have anything to drink – too many people have been killed on the road”.

But I chatted and had fun and circulated … but just sober and with no dancing (seriously – I’m better at the one-liners and mocking other dancers anyway).

But.
Apparently I’m “too serious” and need some “Christmas Spirit”.

So I have a question for you – do I cut and paste this (text, not link) into facebook and let them have at it?

Would I reveal too much of what I really think to people I have to work with?

I don’t know.

I honestly thought they might figure out that I am staring down the barrel of my first Christmas without Greg and am tad emotional.

I want them to know, but I don’t want to have to tell them that I am paddling just as hard as I can but the river of shit isn’t getting any shorter….

What would you do?

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11 thoughts on “So what would help you understand where I’m at if you didn’t read my blog?

  1. strangeapple says:

    Not sure about cutting and pasting that text into Facebook, even though I would be the type to just turn around and say “oh for fucks sake, don’t you see how hard this is for me?” and I’d go on from there. But sometimes I am not very subtle.

    I do however, have subtle ideas. What if a Facebook friend posted on your wall.

    I’ve been thinking about you in the lead up to Christmas, and it brings tears to my eyes knowing that you and your children are about to experience your first Christmas without Greg. I know nothing will fix this, and I know well meaning people will tell you that you have to be “up” for the kids, so I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and sending you strength.

  2. Fifikins says:

    I was thinking along the same lines as the comment above from strangeapple. Hugs. Lots of hugs. And then some more. xxx

  3. Ehhh. People.
    *shakes head*
    And is next in line with the hugs.

  4. Jayne says:

    (((hugs)))
    They’re well aware of the pain you’re in but they’re feeling guilty and trying to get you ‘to lighten up’ so they can enjoy themselves and not feel guilty.
    If they are that shallow to say those things to you then they are mere work collegues who aren’t worth your time or energy.
    And certainly not worth spending any more time thinking about.
    Cos you and the kids are worth a great deal more xxxxx

  5. corymbia says:

    Thank you all.
    I think that’s a great idea Strangeapple & Ms Fifi. That’s more my style too – less In Your Face than the direct posting. I wonder where I’d find friends like that ;)

    ….and HFF & Jayne I love that you understand so easily.

    I did actually take the person who said these words to task last night …. she has been sepparated for year and is ready to move on. I’m not. I think lightening up is part of her grand plan to match me off with someone else so she can start feeling happy about me.
    I explained the difference between being in love with a dead man because I never fell out of love with him, and growing to hate your partner over a number of years before finally splitting up . Both painful experiences … but not the same at all.

  6. Bush Babe says:

    Lord… I honestly don’t know … I think sometimes it can be easier for others to ignore or forget your situation than to front up and experience some of the reflected grief… esp when they have never been near it before.

    Perhaps in realising or remembering your situation too late, they got defensive? I don’t know. Did someone actually SAY that to you directly? Seems incredibly ignorant to me… I think you need only to share your link or those thoughts when you are feeling clear-headed about it. You need to take care of yourself first and foremost.
    (((hugs)))
    BB

  7. strangeapple says:

    Done, and I hope you know that what I’ve said is not a piece of fiction. I have been thinking of you and my words are from the heart, I may or may not have said them, but I was definitely thinking them.

  8. [...] Unfortunately I’m not chipper enough for some people though … I’m “too serious“. [...]

  9. It just seems incredible that people, knowing full well what you have been (are going) through can think their comments will do anything other than make you feel worse. I am glad that you took the person who made the comments to task. I hope she thinks a bit more carefully befroe she speaks (and spreads the word on yur behalf).

  10. twangy says:

    Seriously, people think you should be “okay”? Please. Big massive EYE-ROLL. A tiny modicum of awareness, people!
    I think they (really really) need to get an inkling, but it’s best maybe (like my colleagues above say) that you don’t have to be the one to do the educating. This is what friends are for!

    Big hug from Ireland.

  11. Leonie says:

    Firstly I would have told them then and there to fkkk off! (sorry if that offends anyone but that’s me – just ask Bush Babe) The nightmare you’re living has got to be absolutely bloody awful. I’m divorced and cannot understand how that person thinks that would even resemble being similar to your loving husband being DEAD – that person just doesn’t get it! Look after you and do what you gotta do to make it through a day at a time….. xo

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