I have a brain and an opinion. Such a dangerous combination…

I have a brain and an opinion.

Usually I have people’s best interests at heart when I comment on the blogs of others, but I do tend to speak my mind. Sometimes this gets me into trouble.

What I don’t need is for some condescending soul to be Captain Obvious:
I know how my husband died. I’m not likely to forget that in a hurry.

So there’s no real need to point it out to me yet again.

Believe it or not, death by car accident has its own demons for me to deal with.

Different demons to those who’ve lost a spouse due to ill-health – be it physical or mental
.. but demons nonetheless.

I’m still left with the “why”s and the “how”s.

I’m still left with dipshits who try to blame me (or him) for the accident…..
Those who assume they know that speed was involved or that they were hoons in a sports car.
News articles that publicise the wreckage and the body bags on the tv news and in the newspaper.
Car forums where Greg and his offsider are accused of being every sort of lead-footed maniac under the sun….

It’s no picnic.

I haven’t suffered any more than any other widow and I don’t claim that I have.

But please don’t think for one minute that I have suffered any *less* than any other widow (or widower).

So if you don’t like what I say on your blog, feel free to use the “delete” button on your blog dashboard.  It’s called moderation.

Frankly, I’d prefer that to a thinly veiled lecture ….

(….and even as I read over my comment again, I can only see a difference of feeling, not a judgement requiring a condescending reprimand).


15 thoughts on “I have a brain and an opinion. Such a dangerous combination…

  1. i am sorry this happened..ignorance is no excuse and there are no competitions when it comes to grieving…this really pisses me off.

    hugs, kathleen

  2. Jayne says:

    Sometimes a good slappin’ upside their dipshyte heads helps.
    But it feels great.

  3. twangy says:

    I am certainly in a position to know you have the best interests of the person at heart – I am so touched that you take the time to encourage and console me, when you’re going through so much. I think you’re brill, myself.
    So it sort of defies understanding that someone would feel the need to tell you what happened to your husband..? Like you didn’t know..?

    There’s nawt so daft as folk.

  4. strangeapple says:

    Death is now a competition? Some people need/want to make out that their pain is worse than yours. I can understand how easy it would be to become wrapped up in your own feelings, but you’d expect someone who has gone through the same/similar to be a little more compassionate than your average joe.

    Like your 101 post, you’ve been there, so you know, and it was wonderful advice. Why doesn’t this person you’re referring to *get it*?

    I’d say it’s one of those fundemental personality failings.

    I’m sorry that people suck. 😦

  5. strangeapple says:

    * and you know that I know how to spell fundamental, right?

  6. Fifikins says:

    They deserve a serious case of crabs. With 2 broken arms set at right angles so they can’t scratch.

    Oh and Corymbia, that is such a pretty name 😉

  7. Ahh, Captain Obvious! I think I know him! Irritating little bugger!

  8. Chookie says:

    Someone tried to mess with YOU?! On a blog? Hope you took her apart.

  9. Lynda M O says:

    Yep, some people simply have no class or tact or sense and it sounds like you ran afoul of a classic case of all three with this individual. I am sorry. Hug.

  10. Rhu says:

    I am with fifi – crabs to them, I say. And hugs from me. But to you, not to the crabs.

  11. corymbia says:

    I love you guys. I really do feel the love that you all send and I love you for it.

    I had commented on the blog of another widow whose husband died under different circumstances and was pretty much told that her pain was worse because of the way her husband died.


    …and hehe Chookie – you know me too well, but I didn’t taker her apart because I thought it bad form to do that on her blog. Passive agressive posting on my own blog, however, was NOT off limits!

  12. Missy Boo says:

    I’m with Fifi and Rhu! Passive agressive posting on your blog is definitely allowed *secretly hoping the culprit popped in* 😉

  13. jeanie says:

    So sorry you got suckerpunched. It is heartening to know many people haven’t experienced competitive grief.

  14. Griefupsmanship is lovely, isn’t it?
    Sorry to hear this.

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