Sadness

I’m blogging every day over at “Letters to my husband”  but that seems to mostly be me talking to G rather than me being me.

Sometimes though, I want to say stuff that I wouldn’t necessarily say to G … or at least not the same way…. and today is one of those days.

Basically … being a widow sucks.

But being a widow and trying to convince your kids that the sun will still shine and they will still have agood life and there is still fun to be had in the world, sucks even more when you don’t believe a word of what you are telling the beautiful, tear-stained faces of your heartbroken children.

The truth is,  I ask myself how the hell we got *here* a thousand times a day.

It just does not compute that he isn’t coming back when I can’t even quite wrap my mind around the fact that he is really gone.

Forever.

I can see the coffee cup he left in the shed still sitting there FFS.
Downstairs is still packed full of shite that he has collected over time.  His stuff is just there waiting for him to come and pick it up again.

This widow business is really hard.

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “Sadness

  1. Twangy says:

    I’m not sure if comments are the thing on your letter site, but I just wanted to say I think it’s a beautiful testimony to your relationship. Not like in the movies, like real life love.

    I’m so sad for you – widowhood must be so grindingly hard.

    Hang in there. xx

  2. corymbia says:

    Thanks Twangy.
    Comments are fine on the letter site. I realloy don’t mind … but I understand if people don’t feel like commenting there too.
    Hope you are doing OK….

  3. Chookie says:

    One thing that I know you can rely on is that you love them and they love you. Perhaps that is where the future good life will come from?

    Not that this helps your grief at all… I wish it could!

  4. Liz says:

    I like to read what you write to your husband, even though it is very very sad and sometimes I feel like I am intruding on your sorrow. I also know it’s the arse kick I sometimes need to make sure that I recognise that every day is special and to not take family for granted. Lives can change in an instant.

    I never met Greg but he was obviously a man who chomped on life with great gusto and spread his enthusiasms around. He cast a giant light. I feel privileged to read about him and your life together.

  5. Bush Babe says:

    Just checking in to say that I do pop over there and read, but know you don’t need my opinion on any of it. It makes me ache, but also makes me realise how amazing your relationship is with him. It will be a great thing for you, for your kids, and maybe for someone else travelling the same road you now find yourself on.

    I do hope the sunshine manages to break through the clouds every now and then for you. You are in my thoughts.

    BB

  6. corymbia says:

    Thanks for reading you guys. I guess part of me is chronicling (is that even a word) my grief. Maybe one day I’ll look back and know that life is somehow “better” than it is right now….

  7. Missy Boo says:

    I’m reading over there, and my heart aches for you and the kids. I love the memories you have of G and your lives together. You’re in my thoughts often xoxox

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s