Speaking of vomit….

So I decided to take Miss K to a birthday party today. Get all the questions on her arm over in one fell swoop and let her have a bit of fun and return to semi-normal routine and so forth.
I had to take my 4yo boy as well as the husband interpreted “I’ll be needing your help this weekend” as “yep – you run along to the farm and help your brother dip the cows” (its hard trying to speak Husbandese).
Rang the hosts – they know us quite well and were happy to have an extra.

So the 4 yo enters the door, downs about 4 cups of cordial and some treats and then spends the next hour throwing his body around in the hired jumping castle.
Guess what happened next.


So we are home again. I had to go and apologise to the hosts (who were most gracious and were happy enough that their dog had artfully removed the vomit from their lawn) … and then slink out the door.

Lesson learned:

Never ask God ‘what else could go wrong’ or call him a ‘bugger’ or make a flippant remark about the devil vomiting into your kettle.  It may be taken far too  literally by both parties.


Needs must, when the devil vomits into your kettle

Never ever ask the Big Bloke Upstairs “what else could go wrong” because the bugger will show you.

So you know I’ve been a bit preoccupied with my mother-in-law finding out she had breast cancer and then a huge aortic aneurysm within the space of about 6 weeks.

This pretty much sucks the most out of things right now, but we did get a little kicker when the devil did indeed vomit into our kettle today:
My 6 year old darling girl fell off the flying fox at school and broke her humerus (big long bone at the top of your arm –  not humorous as in funny).  Its very very unfunny.

The first thing I said was ratfucksonofabitch (yes reader, my knowledge of interesting swear words is improving thanks to the awesome Kelley at Magneto Bold Too).

Then I refrained from swearing too loudly for the next 5 hours between finding her in the school health room in agony and sitting next to a girl who was violently throwing up (please God – I’m sorry about that “bugger” comment above – please don’t give her the spews as well), having the brain-dead secretary-come-“nurse”  fart about for 5 minutes before she’s let me sign her out, then driving to the GP around the corner (who at least were compassionate enough to tell us to go straight to the hospital because it would ultimately save us time), then getting to the hospital (half an hour away) even though every slow truck in Eastern Australia pulled out in front of me on the way there, then waiting for the triage nurse (thank goodness he had painkillers), then waiting for an x-ray and having my girl scream in agony the entire time (thank goodness the dude was waaay fast and good at his job), then waiting for the Dr, then waiting for him to talk to another Dr, then waiting for the first Dr to find the right bandages, then the right sling.

Poor kid was starving and thirsty but couldn’t have anything in case they needed to operate  (hopefully they won’t but we still need to see an orthopaedic surgeon next week).  She was so brave the whole time, the little trooper.

So Big Fella – I’m not going to ask you anything about other things that could happen.  I’m sure there are many many more things that could go wrong just now, but I don’t want to know, thanks all the same.

Annoying things your inlaws do….

…whilst sitting around your mother-in-law’s hospital bed.

1. Insist that ALL family members must be present at the bedside ALL day.  I wonder when the poor woman (or her poor room-mates) were supposed to rest?

2. Steal *my very own* copy of a magazine while I was taking my child to the loo and then continue to read it for an hour after my return from said loo.

3. Eat chocolates in front of me and a sick woman who is only allowed to eat clear fluids and Not Offer Any To Anyone Else.

4. Tell my Very Patient Children that they have to put up with being very bored because Nana is very sick.  (Personally, I think Nana’s short term memory is so bad she probably didn’t know who they were anyway).

…and the top Annoying thing?

5. Cary a copy of an unsigned will in their handbag, then demand that a woman who is terminally ill, on some serious pain medication, and who’s mental competency is dodgy at the best of times and is really bad at present to Sign The Will Before Its Too Late.
Conveniently ignore the fact that they organised a new will on the one occasion they saw their mother in the past 12 months without their other siblings present.   Given that there is already a signed copy of a will MIL made in the 80s when her mental competency was good, one wonders what is in the new will that my sister-in-law is so keen to get her mother to sign???

It’s been a loooooong weekend folks!

The good news and the terrible…

The good news….

My Mother-in-law’s breast cancer seems to be confined to her left breast.  Scans have not shown any secondary tumours.

The terrible news is that, whilst checking out possible causes for her pneumonia, the doctors have discovered a *7cm* long aortic aneurysm.

The aorta is the main artery coming out of your heart.

An aneurysm is a weakening in the wall of a blood vessel.

A 7cm aortic aneurysm is a big bugger of an aneurysm.

If  it ruptures, there is virtually no time to do anything but hold her hand as she bleeds to death.

We are in shock again for the second time in a month.

Being the information sponge that I am, I have asked Doctor Google for some answers … but he’s being cagey like always.

I’m hoping that they can manage her in the short term with drugs.

I’m hoping that the cancer is so slow growing that it will remain a secondary issue for the time being.

I’m praying for calmness because I’m not entirely sure exactly what I should be praying for.


Update 21/2/09, 10 am: We rushed 3.5 hours up to see MIL in hospy yesterday as we got an early morning call to say the aneurysm was not good and we should be there.  She was stable when we got there.  They care-flighted her back here (capital city) last night as we drove the 3.5 hours back home.  We’ll find out if they will attempt surgery today – I hope.

Attention Arachnophobes

… this will either cure you or give you nightmares for the rest of the year:

(Warning –  if you *really really really* hate spiders, don’t open the link.  You won’t like what you see.)

Play With Spider – Flash 3D – OneMotion.com
Poke and prod the spider with your mouse , also ‘grab’ one of its legs with your mouse and drag it around the screen.  Or you could try clicking your mouse anywhere on the map, hit the space bar, and it leaves little bugs, and the spider will eat them up.

Its also rather fun to grab the spider and smack it around.  The downside is that it doesn’t seem phased by being repeatedly bashed about the head.

While I’m not exactly an arachnophobe, the hairy little critters don’t exactly make me feel all warm and fuzzy … watchful and wary yes, but not warm and fuzzy…. or freaked out and screaming.

I did once briefly date a bloke who was an entomologist (spider fancier), but I couldn’t compete with his pet  Sydney Funnel Web so it didn’t last long.

Wordle says it all….


My mother-in-law has breast cancer.

The doctors don’t know if it has spread to other organs.

They will remove her left breast “urgently” (which apparently means some time in the next fortnight).

My husband is cranky.

I am angry … and sad.

I’m finding it hard to find the ‘hope’.

You can help…

Register to doorknock in your area:

I do this every year and I’ve got some collecting tips to stop those doors from being slammed in your face …..
Firstly tell them that you are their *neighbour* if they don’t know you already …seems to make the more tightfisted buggers more generous.
Also reminding them that you have kids who don’t know how to play the recorder … and that you have lots of recorders from the $2 shop at the ready and are willing to host free daily lessons for them and their classmates.
(OK just kidding – the RC are pretty clear on not making threats).

…..and while you are at the Red Cross web page, take the quiz to see if you are a winner: http://www.donateblood.com.au/page.aspx?IDDataTreeMenu=39

Woohoo I’m a winner!
Off to bombard my bladder with more water than it can handle in a week because giving blood always gives me the faints if I don’t drink enough.